Monthly Archives: April 2009

How to not be invited to Bible Study

Last entry I eluded to how much of a bastard I am and I have proof of this.

Every dorm on campus has a community bathroom, which you use for number 2 (so you don’t stink up your whole suite) and if you need to use a bathtub, which has something called the CJ log. Clever, no? In this log the floor can discuss stuff or just shoot the breeze and its all anonymous (except my handwriting is very unique). Usually the log on my floor went something like this:

-Why are boys so dumb?

-I don’t know. lol

-Now guys, God made them special

-yeah, “special”

-I hate the rain!

-Yeah!

-All nighters suck

So, its usually just inane drivel, but people still comment on it anyway. But every once in awhile the girls would actually manage to comment on something of interest…which I usually ended up killing, example:

me: so have you all heard about how they are publishing the gospel of Judas

[some comments, some inane and off-topic, some thoughtful. Most implying that Judas was a bad dude]

me: The treatment of Judas has always bothered me. I mean, Christianity needed him more than it needed even Paul. I’m sure he must have gotten some sort of kickback from God or something.

…and I was the thread killer that day.

Generally, I am the single worst person to have in a discussion surrounding the Bible anyway, because I know Greek and you best be sure that I will make sure you know it. I also don’t take shit like using the Old Testament against stuff like Gay marriage but then wearing mixed fabrics and mixing meat and dairy lightly. In short, you better know you stuff, because if you don’t I will thrash you without mercy. I think of it as my public service to Christianity at large but it makes me a super huge bastard.

One fine afternoon the discussion in the CJ log turned to the topic of lust. One girl on the floor whose writing was also distinctive wrote a long sermonette about how you cannot have attraction without lust and hence we are all sinners if we are in romantic relationships (can you guess she had never had a relationship ever?) and quoted the verse where Jesus states that anyone who had even looked at a woman with lust had committed adultery.

I seized on that. I wrote a lengthy rebuttal where I destroyed her argument based on the word lust. You see, in the verse she quoted the Greek word translated as “lust” has the implication of a “movement toward” the intended. So, only if you were to make plans to hook up with the person in question would that verse really apply, not just your run of the mill “Dang, his muscles are nice” thought.It was a great pity, as that girl at that time was applying to be the spiritual leader of the dorm.

Nobody else for the rest of the year would discuss anything Biblical with me and nobody invited me to a Bible stidy all year. And the CJ log returned to inane drivel for the rest of the semester. A little Greek and Textual Criticism goes a long way if your purpose is to destroy the weak pet doctrines of others.

In short, I am a bastard.

Is it just me, or does Adam never seem to be looking Eve in the eye?

Is it just me, or does Adam never seem to be looking Eve in the eye?

You know you go to Calvin when you experience academic whiplash at least 4 times a week

Sorry for the looooooong departure from the blog, I had a three week Easter Holiday which I spent travelling around England and Wales (jealous yet? Have I mentioned that I only have one written final this semester too?).

After I got back Sunday night I threw myself into a paper on Shamanism in the Archaeological Record that I was working on. It’s a first year class at York St. John and the lecturer asked that we use at least 4 academic sources and, because I am something of a bastard (more on that later, I promised), I decided to be over the top academic. I admit that slogging through a journal article on Cognitive Evolution in The Cambridge Archaeological Review after three weeks of doing nothing but looking at pretty sunsets and playing hide and seek in old Roman Forts was a bit of a brain gang-bang, but I got through it and properly cited it and everything.

What will I be working on this evening for the two Calvin courses I am taking this semester? Why, I shall be writing a letter to Charles I of England summarizing the Grand Remonstrance. I shall be writing a letter to a dead guy summarizing something that he read in his own lifetime and disregarded. I could deal with answering a query like “Could the civil war have been avoided if Charles had made the changes Parliament wanted?” but I just cannot bring myself to write a letter to a dead historical figure like I’m in grade school again.

But if you go to Calvin College you are quite used to jumping from wading through dense journal articles and other way hard stuff and then that same day doing something similar to what your nephew is struggling with in second grade. My freshman year I went from my five credit greek class (which had myself and the rest of my class balancing the pros and cons of becoming biochem majors) and wrestling with the subleties of the Genetive case to going to Prelude and discussing the all important questions in modern Christianity: chief among them, “If Christianity were a parking garage where would you be parked?” and “What if your career is not your vocation?”

I almost failed Prelude because I admitted that I care little for parking garages and that I would rather be going back to what I am at college to learn (mainly the Genetive case), thank you very much random ass bank employee who teaches this class and wonders aloud whether his watching “American Chopper” will cause his three year old to grow up to be a felon.

Its maddening, frustrating beyond words and I really haven’t found a way to cope with it during my four years, other than being overly snarky.

Dear Charles, stop being a douche. Love, Kaydon

Dear Charles, stop being a douche. Love, Kaydon