Why some people decide that finals week is an optimal time to flirt or begin a relationship is beyond me, I just consider it a poor evolutionary strategy. Everyone is already stressed to the max without wondering if they smell/look good or whether their future offspring with this person will go to Grand Rapids or Holland Christian High School. But how do you flirt with somebody during this time if you are keen on being an evolutionary dead-end (at this time anyway)? Well, if you already awkward to the max you are half -way there, as nobody who is unawkward has ever met somebody at Calvin College, ever.
- go with the “Study Break” method. Invite your intended over for a “study party”, and three hours in suggest going to get coffee or to a movie.
- Have a movie night to help your floor, bio class or anybody but your room/house/apartment mates relax. Show cute Christmas movies (think Elf) in order to showcase what a wholesome character you are.
- Bring a group with you to coffee if you are too scared to go solo with your intended. Then you can all start awkwardly flirting with your UNlearn and Calvin College hoodies on. Then the coffee drinking public of Grand Rapids will truly understand what I and the RA have to witness everyday.
- Go to ITC, find an open computer next to a cute, single guy (you will know he’s single if he is sitting all alone and with a CUPPS mug instead of a cup from Starbucks or Bigby’s, since no Calvin people will go there alone and dudes will not go there unless there is a female in the group they are going with) and casually strike up a conversation. Try talking about “the reason for the season” (note: this is NOT Mithras).
- Giggle a lot. But only if you are female. If you are a dude, sit there with a slightly uncomfortable looking grin and either stare intently into her eyes like an axe murderer or stare at her shoes
But, you may ask, I have already found the perfect mate that God created for me…how do I keep the love alive during this week?
- look at your ID card. Do you have a meal plan? If you do, good. Skip breakfast and use your meal equivalency that evening to surprise your bf/gf in the ITC with a bagel. Draw two chairs up close (facing each other) and share it in the most sickly-sweet manner you can think of.
- Work at computers right next to each other in a public spot. The couple that writes papers on the book of Mark together stays together (or perhaps Luke, since he wrote about the “reason for the season” that isn’t Mithras).
- Make plans to spend the short break together, it’ll give you something to look forward to and to sigh about. In fact, plan on getting engaged during break (8 out of 10 couples at Calvin get engaged over Christmas break, because Calvinists have no originality).
- Make snow angels.
You can thank me once you are engaged and have decided whether your future progeny are spending their high school years at Grand Rapids or Holland Christian.