The Lobby Couple: A Case Study in Deskie Horror

[Warning: This story is not for the faint of heart]

I once worked as a deskie (each dorm has a front desk, and a deskie is one who holds down the fort at that desk) and saw tons of strange people. There was no end to the drama and weirdness that I witnessed. I got to see lots of lobby couples too, which are the pain in the ass of every deskie. A lobby couple is a couple which interacts frequently in the lobby (since Open House is only about four days a week), usually with gross displays of affection.

Necessary Background: Both members of this couple are computer science majors and look like nerds. Both also look like middle-schoolers (I know I’m not one to judge others for looking young, but they are seriously creepy).

Offenses: They watched anime in the lobby. They also gathered their nerdy friends around the desk and talked about anime loudly. Every Sunday they would take the reduction in Open House (10 pm as opposed to 12 pm Saturdays) hard, clutching each other in their arms for several hours and carrying on as though one of them were going off to war the day after. But yet, every Monday morning I would see them walking hand in hand, not even a full 12 hours after their tearful and over dramatic goodbyes. Neither had any other friends that I ever saw them with (this means that I never saw them take any friends up to their rooms or go to the dining hall with other people), when they were with the group there was always both of them in attendence.

The Most Horrifying Display I’ve ever seen: One Sunday night, as the lobby couple was wrapping up their 2 hour long goodbye (and I was eagerly anticipating leaving) they moved towards the front door and the girl decided to let her bf know just how much she would miss him. She held up both hands and began the most frightful display of affection I have ever seen. Imagine, if you will, a children’s show where the host interacts with hand puppets. Now make the host very unappealing, the puppets non-existent as well as creepy and whiny and replace the audience with college males.

“I’m going to miss you,” one hand/puppet intoned.
“No! I’ll miss him more!” the other argued.

This argument went on for quite awhile, as I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the train wreck. I mouthed the words “Run!” to the boy but he ignored me.

Update on the two of them: Last year I began seeing the female often not accompanied by the male and looking like she had made new friends and improved her fashion sense, which lead me to believe that they had broken up. They were back together by second semester.

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