Why one should never go onto the fourth floor of the Library

The fourth floor of the library is packed with the bland, ridiculous and slightly insane.

What it is: Books on religion, and theology in particular, are found on this floor.

Who frequents the fourth floor?: Seminary students can be found camping out in the cubicles-thingies that they have claimed, with illegal hot pots and other food makers (and they somehow get away with it).

Why do seminary students have a bad rap/ why should I stay away from them?: A few stories:

1) Many books on archeology and religious history are on this floor, in a section which is hidden in the corner and particularly hard to find. Should you have to frequent this section or journey to find a friend who has the misfortune to work in the Meeter Center you will be greeted by Seminary students shooting you evil glances. Presumably, this is because you walk too loud, even though you aren’t walking any differently than they do. Or maybe it is because you are equipped with breasts and a vagina, but you really cannot help that. Either way they are hardly all about this whole “Love of Christ” thing you will oft hear repeated in Christian circles.

I have heard reports that the seminary will take anyone, regardless of the amount of English they know, so then why is everyone acting like Seminary is so gosh-darn hard? I recently met a pastor who graduated even though he partied hard all the years when he was in seminary, and don’t even get me started on how easy theology is if you just take the time to not think…Methinks they take themselves waaaay too srsly.

2) They might stalk you/talk about kidnapping you and taking you back to Korea with them. True story which happened to a friend. He could not understand that she was adopted, which is how she looks Korean but speaks English well. To him, languages were apparently God’s gift to her which God was then going to bless him with. Creepy Mo-fo.

3) Why does campus safety freak out so much when one of the seminary students go slightly crazy? Do they know something which the rest of us do not…?

4) They are the most bland and boring people you will ever meet. Try talking to a pre-sem and find out for yourself, as most will empty themselves of personality in preparation for seminary. Or try taking a NT Greek class with them and try to get them to open up, it doesn’t happen. I had a friend who was fun as could be and a few months before he entered seminary confided that he didn’t want to have his personality sucked out from him. I assured him that I could not see that happening to him, but a few months later it did. He vehemently denies it, but we all know it’s true. Poor guy.

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One response to “Why one should never go onto the fourth floor of the Library

  1. Also, Justin Kincaid, who worked at the Library checkout desk, informs me that Sem. students (read – Asians) smell horrible.

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