Calvin College Demographics: Classics Majors

A small sub-set, yes; but chances are that you have taken a classics course for core. [Note for the “special” among us, this refers to the classics as in Greek, Latin, the Parthenon and Jupiter]. You may have had a few students in your class with you that you waaaaay too into the subject matter, used funny sounding words during discussions that only they and the prof understood, and showed you up in every class discussion-they were probably classics majors.

They tend to get excited about Greek and Latin, can give you the entire family tree of Theseus at the drop of a hat, recite Agamemnon’s death scene in Aeschylus’ Agamemnon (in either English or Greek) and joke around about reviving the Dionysian mysteries. They also pronounce Hercules as Herakles for no god-damned reason (ok, so there is a reason behind it other than it makes them look smarter, but still, wtf?)

At Calvin, you will find this rare and elusive breed hanging out in the Classics department. Who doesn’t want to hang out with the Classics profs and listen to Stephen Mellis’ stories all day? They are also found in the tiny conference room waaaaaay down the classics/philosophy hallway b/c all the Classics courses which are not offered as a part of core tend to be on the small side (2-8 people).

Why be a Classics major?

  • so that your virtue may increase
  • you get to see Williams, Winkle, Bratt, Kim and Noe every day, ’nuff said
  • K. Bratt says its cool. If Bratt says it, I believe it, that settles it.
  • Its definitely a conversation starter, everyone knows several engineers, nurses, elementary ed, and art majors…but since there are so few Classics majors chances are you’ll be the first one your friends know, instant coolness!
  • You will come off as an expert in ancient culture, no one will dare argue with you
  • You get to hang out with your favorite Dinosaur! (which is me, by the way)

What can I do with it?

  • Be a Professor (this is the road most traveled)
  • Trophy Spouse (second most commonly chosen path)
  • Benevolent dictator of the world (least taken path)
  • Be that one tour guide that lies to stupid Americans. They will believe anything you tell them. Srsly. (“Welcome to Pompeii, hometown of the Apostle Paul!”)

A warning though, they don’t interact in modern society well, unable to discuss modern literature, philosophy, and technology. They pay less for books than you do though, so be jealous.


One response to “Calvin College Demographics: Classics Majors

  1. Pingback: The cheap and safe education: Disney Movies « Kaydonthedinosaur’s Weblog

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