Calvin College demographics pt. 1: Homeschool kids

Fact: Most of the students at Calvin College have been homeschooled in their lifetimes, including yours truly.

But this post isn’t devoted to those who were homeschooled at some vague point in the past and have moved on, nay, this is about those who make it a way of life. They are easily identifiable at 100 yards.

The females: long, pin straight (usually brown) hair. Skirt of an awkward half-calf length or ill-fitting jeans (pulled up to the waist with elastic and/or stopping above the ankle bone). Ill-fitting youth group t-shirts or blouses two sizes too large. All the above is generally true unless they have adopted the “little house on the prairie” or Amish look (found in more conservative circles, who are often found more predominately in places such as Cornerstone U. and the various, tiny Bible Colleges around Grand Rapids).

The males: Basic jean problem that the females have. T-shirts two sizes too large also featuring a youth group or a “clever” Christian catchphrase. Beanies. Often look like they lack the capability to wash themselves and their clothing sufficently. If they don’t wear t-shirts you will often find them in bulky wool sweaters and sweater-vests.

Warning: A misuse of denim and jumpers plagues this group! Also interesting name choices (usually from the Bible) such as: Shoshanna, Quinn, Zebulon, Jinger, and Jedidiah. Or they will come from a large family where all the kids share the same first letter of their name (see the Duggars)

A common stereotype which is absolutely true about the majority of the members in this group: They have a lack of friends (why would there be Facebook groups for the cool homeschool kids, who number only in the low hundred or so, who break this stereotype if it weren’t true?) and extreme social awkwardness. They are often able to rattle off insignificant facts about Des Moines, ancient Chinese pottery, Old Testament law, and the definition of “fustian” but its nearly impossible for them to ask you a simple question without including a lot of “um”s, “uh”s, the use of really big words (usually to assert their superiority) and misused slang.

Other students sometimes find themselves participating in this lifestyle as well, private or public schooled. Like my freshman year roommate who freaked out whenever a boy talked to her and thought that everyone always went to church on Sundays (I’m not sure if she was aware of different religious beliefs).


2 responses to “Calvin College demographics pt. 1: Homeschool kids

  1. Pingback: Case Study: Creeper Luke « Kaydonthedinosaur’s Weblog

  2. haha nice try, katie, but actually only 1% of calvin kids have been homeschooled (fact).

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